The winter solstice brings with it a desire for warmth, good company, and good food. The longest, coldest day of the year often coincides with holidays celebrating light, family, thankfulness, and generosity. This is no different for medieval fantasy peoples.

The snow-covered town of Revelleschafte prepares for its holiday of All’s Giving Day (or another fantasy holiday appropriate to your campaign setting), a day where all folk feast and exchange gifts with one another. For many, it’s the happiest day of the year. But this year, it’s a nightmare. This year, goblins want that holiday. Goblins want the feasts, the drinks… and especially the presents.

Note: This adventure is a humorous romp, and may not be suitable for all campaigns.

Presents for Goblins, by Kiel Chenier, is a holiday romp: an adventure that takes the winter holiday season and pairs it with vicious and strange little monsters hell-bent on ruining everyone’s fun. It takes inspiration from Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) and Joe Dante’s Gremlins (1984), as well as a little bit of Jim Henson’s Labyrinth (1986).

An adventure for characters of 3rd-5th level.

• Beginning the Adventure
• The Miremuck Goblins
• The Town of Revelleschafte
• The Abandoned Mine
• Conclusion

Beginning the Adventure =>

Spillage

Should the party act to remove the cauldron from the scaffolding, it must be both lifted and balanced. Lifting the cauldron requires a DC 13 Strength check, and balancing it requires a DC 16 Dexterity (Sleight of Hand) check.

On a failure on either check, roll a d% to determine the amount spilled. For each 10% (rounded down) spilled up to 50%, add 1 month to a base 6 month time period for the effect to dissipate. A character who fails one of the two checks can still hold onto the cauldron, but failing both causes the character to drop it.

If 50% or more of the cauldron is spilled (including if the cauldron falls into the river), the Trom will forever bear a minor love effect and become a local legend. In time, it may grow to attract love-seekers and potion makers from near and far. This does little to resolve the supply shortages, which may cause a regional famine unless Lanidor is brought to its senses.

If Hermia Is Spared

Hermia can be forced to create an antidote if she is left alive. “The original potion was based on the essence of voles, because they find true love and mate for life. The opposite of the vole is the praying mantis, as they only mate once … and there’s no romance at all there,” she explains. The potion she makes will cure the effect of the love potion, but if she’s left to her own devices she’ll add a bit of magic (DC 15 Intelligence [Arcana] to notice) that will create uncontrollable mutations, turning the townsfolk into hideous aberrations that proceed to plague the countryside and will require extermination.

If Hermia Is Killed

Without Hermia’s knowledge of the potion’s contents, creating an antidote will be quite an undertaking and require many far-off components and a great deal of arcane knowledge.

A DC 10 Intelligence (Arcana) check reveals that the first component is a live praying mantis—this at least can be found in any trade city.

Dealing with Two-lips

Whether the party punishes Two-lips for the trouble he’s caused, or how they exact retribution, should be left for them to decide. Was it an honest (if poorly conceived, researched, planned, and executed) mistake, or was it something more nefarious? GMs should reward creativity when dealing with Two-lips.

<= The Business of Emotion

The Mouth of the Cave

After traveling for several hours, you find a dense forest on the edge of the small mountain range, marking the end of the valley. The canopy of the forest before you is ominously thick, allowing little light through.

The lazy, meandering river gains pace as you exit the valley and follow it to a nearby mountain. At the base of the mountain you find the mouth of a large cavern, and the roar of water echoes from within.

Intelligence (Investigation) checks outside the cave find the following:

• DC 10: Large, bear-shaped footprints in the mud along the river bank.
• DC 15: Tracks showing that whatever left the footprints dragged a large animal. These tracks can be followed to the corpse of a horse in the bushes. 

The horse was attacked, dragged, and partially eaten by a large beast. Further Intelligence (Investigation or Nature) checks reveal:

• DC 10: Deep, parallel claw marks along the horse’s flank.
• DC 18: A single owl feather in a nearby bush.

The Throat of the Cave

As the players enter the cave, they soon find themselves standing above the river as it has cut its way through the stone.

The ground along the river’s edge (marked on the map) has been partially eroded by the river’s rapid waters. The first Medium or larger creature that steps in this area causes a five-foot patch to crumble. The player must make a DC 12 Dexterity saving throw to avoid falling into the river below, taking 1d6 bludgeoning damage from the fall, suffering a severe exposure to the love potion (Odds and Ends) and being carried downriver 1d6x5 feet.

The Cauldron Chamber

You round the bend and enter a large chamber. Along the far wall, a roaring waterfall pours from the depths of the mountain. Near the edge of the platform, a cast iron cauldron rests upon a wooden scaffold overhanging the river. A pinkish light glows from the open top of the cauldron, and occasionally, a single fuchsia drop leaps into the churning source of the River Trom.

Directly in front of you, lying upon a nest of trampled grass and bones is a large, feathered mass whose glowing yellow eyes stare from the darkness. It remains motionless, watching and breathing loudly.

The owlbear smelled the PCs when they entered the cave, but obeys Hermia’s orders, and dutifully guards the cauldron chamber. It watches the PCs, but attacks if they get within 10 feet of the cauldron.

On the second round of combat, Hermia ( witch ) arrives on the scene, having invisibly watched the party from beside her owlbear . She remains under her magical disguise as she approaches.

Hermia will not attack immediately, and momentarily calls off her owlbear to parley with the PCs. However, she instantly retaliates if attacked, if the players attack her owlbear  after she arrives, or if she overhears the party discussing plans to destroy her potion setup.

If Hermia attacks or is attacked:

The beautiful female form before you dissolves, leaving a thin wisp of magical essence hanging in the air. A hideous, green-skinned monster now stands in her place. Her mouth opens wide as she cackles wickedly, revealing the sharp points of many shattered teeth. Her long arms and sharp claws drag behind her as she approaches. “You dare to disrupt my experiments?” she cries out. “This cave will be your grave!”

The scaffolding supporting the cauldron has 15 hit points and AC 10. It is resistant to piercing damage. It automatically fails saving throws against spells with an area of effect, like fireball. Its wood is damp from the river water, and it ignores the first 5 points of fire damage it takes each day.

If inspected, the scaffolding upon which the cauldron of love potion rests is obviously rickety. A DC 11 Investigation check reveals the structure is slightly off level, likely leading to the overdosing.

If the scaffolding is destroyed, the cauldron drops vertically towards the riverbank, pausing momentarily as it spins on its edge above the  ledge. Attempts to stop it from falling in will require a PC’s reaction and should be judged based on a DC 16 Dexterity check (to catch it) and DC 13 Strength check (to hold onto it). Otherwise, it slowly rotates (for maximum drama) before toppling over the ledge, spilling the entire contents of the cauldron into the river—see the Spillage section of Resolving the Adventure.

<= The Business of Emotion | Resolving the Adventure =>

The following information will help the Narrator run the adventure.

Detect Magic

Should the adventurers cast detect magic while within 30 feet of the River Trom, they find the river itself radiates magic of the enchantment school.

Interacting With The Water

At several points throughout the adventure, whether through drinking beer in the village or falling into the river while fighting in the cave, the  PCs may come into contact with the enchanted water from the Trom.

The effects of the potion build with exposure and should be tracked for each PC. A minor exposure (drinking, washing, etc.) adds one point, while a severe exposure (falling into the river, etc.) adds three points. This effect wears off after 1d6 days of not being exposed to the water.

Exposure Tracking

1 (Slight): A wave of peacefulness and confidence washes over the PC. At all exposure levels, the PC has advantage on Charisma checks.

2-3 (Low): The affected PC immediately favors the first person of any gender they see after reaching this level of exposure. The PC compulsively does minor things to try to gain the favored person’s attention.

4-5 (Medium): Gaining the attention of his or her favored person is now the PC’s primary concern. The PC behaves as though affected by a charm person spell cast by the favored person and will act irrationally to justify their actions.

6+ (High): The PC is spellbound. If his or her favored person says “jump,” the PC will ask “how high, my love?” If the PC’s favored person provides a simple instruction (“attack that creature,” “run over there”), the PC must make a DC 13 Wisdom save; if the PC fails this save, they must act as instructed, as per the suggestion spell. If the PC succeeds on the save, he or she may act freely this time, but the spellbound effect remains.

<= The Business of Emotion

The sun burns brightly above as you travel up the River Trom, trudging up an uneven trail northwards out of town. As you round a bend in the river, you are momentarily dazzled by dozens of rainbow colored blocks of land, and almost choke on a sickly-sweet smell in the air.

A wide field of flowers surrounds a quaint farmstead in the distance. Outside, a crew of small figures loads a cart with colorful bundles of flowers.

Inside the farmhouse, Two-lips directs a crew of gnome workers around the farm. He blanches at the sight of the party, stammering, “You… you, you…? What are you doing here? Who are you?”

Two-lips does his best to hide the fact that he’s behind the recent outbreak of lovestruck villagers (shooing the party, trying to slip away to oversee the farm, insisting that he’s too busy), but his defenses are pretty thin. After a bit of pressing with a DC 12 Charisma (Intimidation or Persuasion) check, or any explicit threat of violence, he caves and begins to confess.

While Two-lips is superficially apologetic about the incident and explains how he’s attempting to “play it straight” or “make an honest living for once,” he also seems to delight in how successful the plan has been in saving his farm. 

If pressed, he will insist that the plan with the love potion was all Hermia’s idea, and that all he  did was purchase the ingredients she requested. He will also direct the party towards the cave where he and Hermia set up the potion to drip into the Trom, but will not accompany them.

Two-lips, an experienced merchant, will react negatively to any attempts of extortion by the party, but he is “always willing to make a deal” and will pay handsomely to avoid punishment: 75 gp and “a year’s supply of white roses.”

Wild creatures now prowl the lands between Lanidor and the cave; including a pack of five  dire wolves . Should the party encounter these wolves, they are attacked along the riverbank, and the wolves attempt to knock them into the river using the Shove action, exposing them to the love potion (Odds and Ends).

<= The Business of Emotion | The Tunnel of Love =>

While in Lanidor, the adventurers may hear various rumors. Roll or choose from the following table.

Rumors (1d8)

1. There are flowers everywhere in town, and that damned gnome’s face is plastered all over the place. (True)
2. There have been strange circles carved into the wheat the last few weeks. We usually just chalked it up to damned youths, but maybe there’s more to it than that. (False)
3. As you can see, none of the work is being done. Harvest time is on us, there should be dozens of people out here in the fields. Instead, they’re all shacked up in town like the world’s ending. (True)
4. I don’t know if I’d trust the “virgin” oracle’s visions anymore after what I saw her doing with Ol’ Turnstall…and his son…. (True)
5. I secretly started harvesting and stockpiling grain at night when everybody is sleeping. With no work being done, it’ll be worth a fortune soon! (True)
6. I always knew that my wife had something for that bastard down the street. If you see them, give them my regards! (True)
7. We don’t get many fey around here, but I’ve always just sorta known when they were around. It’s like I can smell ’em or something. They’re around here somewhere, I just haven’t found ’em yet…. (False, not counting Hermia)
8. We’ve spent a lot of time thinking of what could be causing this. It really seems like some mess that witch would be involved in, but I’m not about to go knocking on her door to find out…. (True)

<= The Business of Emotion

Unless otherwise noted, the villagers of Lanidor use commoner statistics.

Emilia Fulton, Human Housewife (estranged)

A petite and very attractive young woman. As “dainty” as it comes in an agricultural town like Lanidor, although she could still probably crack walnuts with her bare hands. Will begin flirting with a random PC present at the bar, or whoever speaks to her first. Has a tawdry, small voice; a listener can almost hear her eyelashes fluttering. 

Francine Dunwit, Human Barmaid

A densely built woman, she looks like she could heft two bales of hay in her broad arms just as easily as she could a half dozen tankards of ale. Assumes that any present PCs are “paired” and treats them as such. If there are any “spare” (unevenly matched) PCs, assumes they’re still looking. Sounds like a plain-talkin’ country woman, don’tchaknow. Francine is married to Markus Dunwit.

Graben Turnbull, Dwarf Innkeeper

An old dwarf, hunched and not much for adventuring. Arthritic and pudgy around the middle, “fast” isn’t a word many would use to describe him. Graben was once a notable miner, but he was banished from his clan when, to his eternal shame, a mine he dug caved in part of an ancient dwarven burial ground. He has since settled in Lanidor and established the inn, The Glossy Bedpost.

An opportunistic profiteer, unaffected by the potion due to his dwarven resilience, Graven remains very private. He sounds like a gravelly old western prospector—his speech is marked with many “um’s” or “er’s” like a lumbering stutter. 

Hermia, Fey Witch

While disguised, Hermia ( a witch ) appears to be a wild but physically attractive hermit. In her true form she has dark green, warty skin and stands hunchbacked, her arms stretching to unnatural length and ending in clawed fingers. Though she is a hermit that lives far outside of town, Hermia willingly assists those foolish enough to seek her aid, but invariably twists their greed to further her magical experiments.

Years ago Hermia betrayed her coven, leading to her exile and the loss of most of her power. A shadow of her former glory, she will play herself off as a tragic figure to appear sympathetic. When in disguise, Hermia sounds like a sultry nature spirit. In her true form, she sounds like a gravel-throated, bitter old lady. 

Markus Dunwit, Human Carpenter

A remarkably wide thug , as solid as the wooden bar upon which he’s leaning. Currently smitten with his new love, Emilia Fulton, despite the fact that his wife Francine Dunwit stands across the bar. Will begin a fight with the PCs, involving four other men nearby, if a character returns Emilia’s advances. Has a booming, strong voice.

Two-lips Thistlestrip, Gnome Flower Farmer

A portly, graying gnome noble  with shifty eyes and a furrowed brow. The occasional glint of greed still flickers across his face with a crooked smile. Two-lips would sell his own mother if the price was right, and was kept at arms’ length by most of the other gnomes in his home village. His one true skill (aside from fatting his own pockets) was his green thumb.

When it came time to leave the gnome village (after all but robbing it blind) he decided to try his hand at “an honest living” and started a farm on the outskirts of Lanidor. Two-lips is greedy, but not callous. He is confident even in defeat, but extremely paranoid. Two-lips gesticulates wildly with his hands as he speaks, and sounds like a fast talking aggressive salesman. 

<= The Business of Emotion

As the adventurers enter town, read or paraphrase the following.

You pass run-down farmhouses and enter the rustic town square. The otherwise drab village is dotted with bright spots of color, which on closer inspection, are huge bouquets of vibrantly colored flowers packed along every windowsill. Fliers are posted every few feet bearing a winking gnomish face and the message, “Two-Lips’ Flowers, The Perfect Gift for Your Sweetheart!”

To the East, a building marked as the “Polished Plate” is a din of activity and sound. A building across the square is labeled the “Glossy Bedpost” by a large carved sign that also advertises nightly rates. Hastily scrawled beside the nightly rates, in a fresh coat of paint, is an added message that states, “Hourly – 2 coppers.”

The Polished Plate

You open the door and find a simple, rustic tavern that is filled almost to capacity. A lone barmaid hustles around serving drinks and food to her many patrons.

The people inside snuggle each other closely, lit by low-burning candles as a bard in the corner croons out ballads about mythic romances. A stand by the bar is filled with fresh-cut flowers and a friendly, winking gnome. The barmaid notices new customers and ushers you inside towards the bar.

Emilia Fulton is present, and begins speaking with the adventurers. Read or paraphrase the following if any of the PCs have attract Markus Dunwit's’ ire by returning Emilia's advances (see The People of Lanidor).

Markus Dunwit stands abruptly, his bar stool scraping noisily across the floor before falling to the ground. With the tavern brought to immediate silence and with every eye resting on him, Markus raises a call to the locals, “Men! These strangers think they can come in here and steal our women with their charms? Let’s teach them a lesson!”

Markus pulls a heavy mason’s hammer from his belt and charges at the party. Four townsmen jump to their feet to join him.

Markus Dunwit is a thug and his four friends are guards who abandoned their posts once the potion took hold. No one in the bar seems upset that their significant others are totally enamored of other people unless their current lover is disturbed. If confronted about this fact, a NPC will nonchalantly dismiss it with a statement akin to, “The heart wants what the heart wants,” or, “I’m just glad that everyone has been able to find true love.”

Through conversation it can be discovered that the new romances all began a few months ago. Hostility, either overt or through Intimidation, is met poorly. “Whoa there, that’s not a very loving attitude, is it? We’re all here to have a good time… Can I buy you a flower?”

If asked about Two-lips, Francine will openly provide:

• “He’s just a simple farmer like everyone else.”
• He lives up north along the River Trom—it’s a colorful place, can’t miss it!
• “He brought his whole family to grow flowers with him, bless his soul. And ain’t it lucky? People started buying his flowers left and right after he showed up!”

Because the brewery in town draws from the Trom, consuming a drink from the Polished Plate should count as a minor exposure as described in the Odds and Ends section.

The Glossy Bedpost

A heavy oak door swings open, revealing an interior as plainly decorated as the exterior. A simple desk sits across from the door, manned by an old, gloomy-looking dwarf.

Not looking up from shuffling a stack of receipts around, he greets you emotionlessly, “Welcome to the Glossy Bedpost, finest inn in Lanidor. How many hours do you need?”

If the adventurers request rooms:

“Ah well… you see, most rooms are, er, “occupied” at the moment… But 7 and 9 should  be, um, opening up…” he pauses to consult a stack of papers, “within the, er, hour. Shouldn’t be takin’ more than a few minutes to get the rooms tidied up and with fresh linens…”

Graben Turnbull is a private and tight-lipped sort of dwarf and is not quick to provide the PCs with information. Business has been very good recently, so he only relents under pressure.

If asked about Two-lips specifically, Graben complains about the fact that, “his face is all over the dern’d place!” He also figures that Two-lips could be making a pretty coin or two off of the amorous attitude in town.

Graben is reluctant to give more information on Two-lips, but will guide the party to him if forced by a successful DC 18 Charisma (Intimidation) check. If the intimidation fails, or the party attempts to persuade him, he requests a deed be done to “help me out some, ya see?” To provide more information, he requests that the party clear out room number 3, which should have been emptied 23 minutes ago.

You walk a short distance down the plain hallway and find a standard wooden door with a brass “3” nailed on its face. From inside you hear two voices making very content noises.

If the PCs knock, a muffled ruckus occurs inside and a voice meekly calls out, “Uh… what is it?”

Whoever is inside refuses to open the door and insists that they paid for 2 hours and they still have time left. This is a lie; Graben provides a receipt confirming that they only paid for an hour.

The players can force the tenants out through roleplaying or a DC 16 Charisma (Intimidation or Persuasion) check. On a failure, the occupants ignore the PCs unless force is used.

Should they fail, Graben will authorize forcefully evicting them. Brandishing weapons or knocking down the door grants advantage on their next Charisma check against the occupants.

The door is sturdy and locked tight. A DC 15 Strength check is required to knock it down, or a DC 15 Dexterity check to pick the lock. Graben will request that the PCs pay 10 gp to replace the door, should they knock it down.

Inside the room are two [priest|priests]], one of a good god and one of an evil god, who avoid the characters’ gaze and quickly vacate the inn, their forbidden romance revealed. If the PCs evict the priests, Graben reveals everything he knows about Two-lips, if he has not done so already, and offers to guide the party to the gnome’s farm.

<= The Business of Emotion | Two-Lips' Farm =>